Be proud of yourself for how hard you’re trying
Yesterday I shared a post that I wasn’t sure I should have made public.
CHUNKY is about the anti-depressants I have been taking for almost a year and the side effects I have experienced, namely weight gain. Weight gain to the point that I am really struggling with myself.
To be honest, I am not quite sure why I wrote the post, it felt like I was sharing WAY too much and I was worried people would think I was clawing for attention.
I was wrong. So very, very wrong. The hours that followed the post going live were amazing. All of a sudden, I was receiving messages from amazing people either offering support or being incredible and telling me about their own battles. I spent the afternoon feeling 10 feet tall and like I was walking about in a giant hug.
Anxiety/stress/depression can leave you feeling totally alone. Isolated and misunderstood. The people who reached out to me yesterday reminded me that no matter how awful I feel, or how overwhelmed I am, I am not alone.
Because here’s the funny thing about the world we live in. We are BOMBARDED with a constant dialogue of voices telling us all the ways in which we are wrong. Too old/too fat/too short/too poor/not successful enough/a bad parent/should be a parent/should have a better job/should be buying a house...you know the craic.
And then, when that constant reminder of how terrible you are and all of the ways in which you are failing finally breaks you and you accept that you are not good enough…the voices stop. The constant chatter is gone, and that is where the loneliness begins.
The world is so quick to beat you down, but not at all quick to help you get back up. When we are at our lowest, it is more or less up to us to make the decision about what to do next. You have to make the doctors appointment and hope to flip you get an understanding one. You have to contact the counsellor and again hope that you find someone you feel comfortable with. You have to go to your loved ones and tell them that you feel broken and hope that they are strong enough to help to fix you.
SO…with all that said…you have a lot to be proud of as you try to get back up. I know it can feel like you’ve done a day’s work in trying to leave the house in the morning, I know the deflation of disappointing doctors’ appointment, I know the feeling of wanting to WHACK someone when they give you that timeless advice “cut down on your stress levels” (please join me in an eye roll).
I received some incredible words of wisdom, advice and offers of support yesterday…I won’t share them here as I don’t want to breach the trust of those who reached out.
In the midst of reading these messages, I thought of maybe starting a facebook group so that we could keep an eye on each other there…a safe place where we could share ideas, advice, articles, animal videos…anything to try and lighten then load that we are all carrying. If that sounds like something you might be interested in, you can join the group, which is called O&R, by clicking HERE
(There are also rumours of the people in the group getting together for beer garden pints soon…which I am very much on board with)
Go easy on yourself, continue to do your best to feel like you and trust that nothing, good or bad, lasts forever. This isn’t everything you are.